Thoughts about 'thoughts'

Have you ever felt like you have so much going on in your head that it might explode? Or that you can't single out one particular thought from another? Perhaps you have had times in your life where your brain is processing so much that it can't rest, or rest properly. If that resonates with you, then please know: You are not alone.

Recently I have had a lot on my mind. Being new to private practice, setting up all the things that are required when newly self-employed, it is fairly understandable. The other day I noticed that I had many 'items' in my head, all jumbled around, seeming to compete for my attention. It felt quite overwhelming to be honest, and I was craving some clarity, for the thoughts to settle, to be less 'noisy'. I have often heard people with ADHD talk about their 'thought life' as being a bit like having a head full of bees. I suppose what I was experiencing in that moment was a bit like that. The thing is, I am so used to not being able to 'switch off' my brain, or calm down the 'racing' thoughts, that I don't often take time to think about the experience, or challenge what is going on.

On this one, particular, overwhelming day I found myself contemplating the experience, almost as if I was separate to what was going on; a curious, external observer, if you will. I noticed that when some of the thoughts emerged front-and-centre, they produced physical responses in my body. feelings like slightly raised heart-rate, tension in my jaw or shoulders, or a dry mouth, for example. Other thoughts seemed to slip around in the background, not drawing as much attention to themselves, but when I focused on them, they produced a different sensation; perhaps a 'butterflies in tummy' effect, or a subtle change in my mood. I also noticed that the part of me experiencing the effects of these clamouring thoughts was feeling a vague sense of frustration and annoyance. Not just that there were multiple things to think about and process and that is hard to do, but that I was having so many physical reactions to things that are just in my head. My curiously observing self was intrigued! I found myself saying out loud: "You're having some big responses to a lot of different thoughts. That's ok, it's a normal part of how your brain and body work together. It's not pleasant when you have physical reactions to them, but they will pass. It's your brain and body's clever way of signalling something important to you."

Later that day, when chatting about this with a wise friend of mine, I told her what I had noticed. It was at that moment I was reminded of a clever, practical analogy that features stones, pebbles and sand in a jar. The metaphor is designed to help people understand how to achieve balance in their lives, by prioritising time in a particular way. (This is a link to a helpful video to explain it in more detail) However, as I contemplated this mental image, it occurred to me that the stones, pebbles and sand could also represent thoughts, not just time and energy. What if I tried to visualise my brain in a similar way to the jar of rocks, pebbles and sand? If I'm finding it hard to focus on any particular thought, or there are some that are particularly overwhelming, I could try to see each one as a rock, a pebble or a grain of sand. Perhaps that would help me to view it as a 'high priority concern', or a medium or low level thought. It had to be worth a try!

Spending some time meditating on this mental visualisation, I discovered that the thoughts began to reassemble. It was as if the jar (or my head!) had the gentle shake it needed to see the larger, more important things more prominently, whilst also allowing space for the smaller, less important things to move around them. It seemed like there was more room in my head! Taking this concept into a practical solution on that day - I made a note of the things I wanted to give more headspace to, and made a plan to include a portion of my day to thinking purposely about them. It's a small step, but feels like an important one. Could this approach be helpful for you too?

Image by Emily Fewtrell